"This is taking the 'udder' piss!"

My house in positioned overlooking a country road. On the other side of the road is a lake with swans who have little cute swan babies. This is surrounded by a farm and quite a large amount of fields. Now this all sounds very pleasant doesn't it? Nice and peaceful. You haven't met Daisy.

Who is Daisy I hear you ask. Well Daisy, my friends, is the cow who likes to keep us all awake at night. The cow that thinks it is amusing to start moo-ing at the top of her cow lungs at gone midnight for all those around her to hear.

Tonight was particularly annoying. There I am sitting in my room, minding my own business, just casually surfing the Internet when my Sister bursts in the room. "Please chuck a stone at her!" Now up until now, I hadn't heard Daisy at all. In fact I was completely oblivious to the moo-ing mayhem going on in the adjacent field. Not anymore.

See now I know she's there. Now my ears cannot help but hear the deep, distraught sound of Daisy across the road and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't just pick my house up and move it a few miles down the road. I can't pop over and just politely ask her to keep it down. And my room is at the front of the building, closest to the noise, so not only can I hear the demented sounds of delightful Daisy, it hits my room first, carrying the highest volume of any of the rooms in my house.

So that's it.

My bed times are no longer a time of peacefulness. There will be no sheep jumping over hedges in my dreams. Instead it will be cows. Hundreds of cows just like Daisy moo-ing uncontrollably in my head.

She is taking the 'udder' piss.

Sweet dreams.

"We'll aim for half 3 then we'll actually leave at 4!"

This is the plan for Saturday as I am  GOING ON  HOLIDAY!!

I am pretty excited right now, in fact that doesn't actually touch on how excited I am. Me and my Sister are venturing off together for a week to the land that is Bulgaria. Never been before so it should be an experience. All I can say is, 4*, on the beach front, all inclusive, gin included. How bad can it be?

I am a bit nervy about leaving my boyfriend though. He is going on holiday the day before I get back so we are not seeing each other for a few weeks :(

However I am looking forward to what I think is a well deserved break. This week I will have worked 53.5 hours so I am officially nackered! Bring on the gin, sun and poolside!!!

But anyway I should probably explain the relevance of the title. Our family are usually late... for everything. The only way we can get anywhere on time is to aim for a half an hour before we need to leave, which gives us a slight bracket of time to run over. And we definitely need it on Saturday. As well as go on holiday I am going on holiday, packing and going to see my Gran so my day needs to be carefully planned.

Fingers crossed!

"You must go to Olivers"

Today I picked my Grandad up and took him home after quite a long stay in hospital. He had been quite poorly so was in there to get back on his feet, which has certainly worked. He doesn't even need his stick to get about now, something that he likes to tell me pretty much every time I see him! I don't blame him for being proud.

But anyway, as we approached Grandad's flat in the complex where he lives, we were greeted by another resident. 84 years old and looking not a day over 70, she excitedly welcomed Grandad back. The conversation somehow then turned onto the subject of holidays and she told us how she would be jetting off to Tenerife in October to see her daughter.

Now in October, my parents will be celebrating their 25th year of marriage (I don't know how my Dad's jokes haven't bored Mum to tears by now!) so we are taking a holiday to mark the occasion, also to Tenerife.

As we were talking, the woman, whose name escapes me now so I will just call her Claudia, urged me to go to Olivers in Los Christianos whilst we were over there. "not the big awful looking one, but the small one" as she kindly put it. "Tell her I sent you."

Now, I don't really know why I am telling you this story but I find it incredibly inspiring to hear about elderly people jetsetting off on holidays and really making the most of life. I hope I am that way inclined in 70 years time!

But for now, I do know that I am going to Olivers in Tenerife in October, because Claudia told me to!

"What to do, what to do..."

A question I am currently asking myself.

I officially handed in my last piece of Uni work on Monday, which means my spirits are lifted and I am very much looking forward to the summer. Although I don't know what to do with myself!!

I have signed up to a temping agency to try and get some more stable work over the summer and get some more stuff on my CV but until the work comes along I have nothing to do! Not that I am complaining, I mean sitting watching TV or hanging out with your mates is not exactly hard work but I haven't had nothing to do in ages!

I also have a tendency to feel guilty if I sit doing nothing for a long period of time, even if there is nothing that particularly needs doing. I feel lazy! Which is why I am handing out leaflets at the train station tomorrow for the Download festival. £6.20 an hour to give out brochures, can't be bad!

I was hoping for some more office based work but I would be silly to turn it down, being as I am not busy :)

Any ideas for what else I can fill my summer with??

"It won't fit!"

My Sister redecorated her room this weekend and to be honest I am very jealous! Plain magnolia walls, or 'mangolia' as she calls it, and new wooden flooring. Doesn't sound too exciting when you say it like that but there is something about making a room look completely fresh and new that is so satisfying.

My jealousy has lead to me wanting to turn my room around too. A new bed has already been ordered and today I went shopping for new bedding and curtain, although very unsuccessfully I might add.

At the moment I have a desk and shelf unit attached to the wall but for a change I want to rip it down and buy a new nice posh desk. And I did just this last night. Unfortunately it never ended up coming home with me.

So me, Alex (boyfriend) and Lauren (sister) are in Ikea at the checkouts. We buy the desk and other bits and bobs picked up along the way, a toy rat for Alex's dog for example, and head for the God that is the hotdog stand. Sooooo tasty!!

The we head over to the pick up desk, where they would bring my desk out the warehouse. All is going well until we get the desk outside and realise that my new little polo does not have the space required for such a large flat pack item. Bummer.

However I wasn't defeated yet. Down goes the back seat and the pushing and heaving begins. Unfortunately, no luck.

So, we head back inside, where they are about to close. I ask if they can hold it until tomorrow when I can come back with a different car. Answer = no.

A refund it is then. So we travel all the way there, buy the thing, only to have it refunded back onto my card, to go back a different day with a different car. What a palava! And a wasted journey...

"You can't still be asleep, surely?"

This was a text I received from my sister this morning at approximately 10.50am.

Finishing my first year of Uni is a very exciting concept, I have just under 2 weeks left and I will be a free woman, well from school work anyway. At the moment my time is being spent at home completing my last few assignments which is great because I get plenty of time to dedicate to my work. Well that was the plan anyway.

But being at home and having no plans in the daytime completely screws up your sleeping patterns. I am currently literally obsessed with The Hills, a show that follows the lives of people in LA. It is completely Americanised, totally cheesy and yet unbelievably addictive. So addictive that last night I watched the whole of season 2 in a row online in bed. This meant I was still awake at half past 3 this morning. So you can't really blame me for not getting up until 11!

And guess what?? I still have three more seasons to watch!!! I see some very late nights in my future...

"It's a one way system so I will just go backwards down it"

Our family have quite a particular sense of humour. My Dad is one is one of those people in my life who never ceases to make me laugh. It can be his sarcasm, his 'Dad dancing' or him just being plain stupid, but something always cracks me up. I thought it would be selfish of me not to share this with you. Even if it just puts a smile on your face, at least I will have shared a fraction of the comedic effect it has on me.

Yesterday, me and the fam went shopping to buy me a new car. Unfortunately mine is literally falling apart and I have come to the conclusion that a car that you can only get in by opening the passenger side first and manually pulling up the driver's side lock from the inside and that is also two different shades of green and has rustic orange patches needs replacing.

So, we took a road trip out to Birmingham to check out all the garages. We soon came across a large showroom with lots of cars lined up on the outside of the building. As Dad pulled in, he tried to turn left but noticed that it was a one way system.

I think Dad thought he was cheating the system when he swung the car right and decided to reverse down the one way road. When I asked him what he was doing his reply was, "It's a one way system so I will go backwards down it." It was at this point that the car erupted with laughter.

However this was amplified when we looked left and saw the showroom had completely clear glass window running all the way down the side of the building. Therefore, everyone in the showroom could see our car reversing down the one way road!

Maybe it was one of those 'you had to be there' moments, but I was there and it was absolutely hilarious! Apologies if my story was a bit of anti-climax for you but if something makes me laugh, I like to share it with people.

So there you have it, a story shared.

"Why is the weather doing this to me?"

Now here in England, the sunshine is a huge deal, as you may have acknowledged in one of my previous posts. As soon as it is a little warm, the summer dresses and pale legs come out left front and centre in the hope that a few days of warm weather will produce a St Tropez tan and we will all be gorgeous and brown.

So you can imagine my annoyance when every time we do have some lovely weather, I am at work. It seems to be a repeating occurrence. Literally, every time I have a shift, we have beautiful sunshine and I have to serve the customers who are sat out sunning themselves in the beer garden. Its just lovely.

We finally had some lovely sunshine on Sunday and I was not at work. Fantastic! A great opportunity to soak up some rays. However this is slightly difficult when the wind is so strong that not only does it blow your hair and other belongings everywhere, but it also makes it too chilly to sit outside.

This then resulted in me sitting inside watching TV. Great use of the sun. I seriously think the sun is out to get me and that I never deserve to get a tan.

Anyway, rant over.

"I FOUND MY PASSPORT!"

Yesterday was a brilliant day in my life.

When I started my new job at the local pub, I was asked to provide 2 copies of my passport for identification purposes. I didn't think this would lead to any sort of problem until it actually came to trying to find the passport. Do you ever get that feeling where your stomach sinks and 'kerching' sounds start going off in your head? The thing is I knew I had it somewhere because I remember packing it when I moved back from University before Christmas. I looked everywhere. Then I realised that I am going on two holidays this year. The sinking feeling returned.

However, yesterday I decided to clean out my room. Not only did I find my passport, it was actually in the same place I always keep it but hiding underneath some photo frames. Elated does not even begin to describe the happiness after seeing that baby pink passport case in my hand.

And just to top the day off, me and my boyfriend were invited to a complimentary meal at a restaurant in town after having quite a bad experience there a few weeks ago. A three course meal and three drinks free completely on the house :D So what should have been about £53 cost us nothing. Bargain night out or what!?

So there you have it. Now you know what I class as a good day. Finding something that is lost and free food.

"Shall I go or not?"

A question I repeatedly asked myself today when referring to the delights of University.

I don't really get the same buzz out of University that other people seem to. I lived on halls for w hile but it wasn't for me so I moved back home. For me it's not about partying but actually, believe it or not, getting a degree so I can begin the life of work.

I have had what Google suggests is laryngitus (I don't do Doctors) which means I have basically being feeling like shit for four days. So today I was torn as to whether to bother making the hour journey to University, to sit there for three hours and then drive home. But, my motivation got the better of me and before I knew it I was on the road. BIG mistake.

I arrive at Uni to find that the most part of my class need one-to-one tutorials for our next assignment. This resulted in me leaving 55 minutes later as I have already spoken to my tutor. In other words, I went for no reason at all.

I don't know why but I never trust my instinct. This morning it was telling me, don't bother going, but I let my conscience talk me out of it. I suppose at least I don't feel guilty about missing something important.

I really need to use the instinct we were born with more. What use is it otherwise?

"(Silence)"

This is what has been coming out of my mouth for the past two days because... I have lost my voice.

My throat was a bit sore, then the next day I woke up and when I tried to speak nothing came out. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been at work for the past two days.

"The risotto?"

"Can I get you anything else?"

Imagine these questions in a teenie tiny husky voice. Trying to get peoples' attention is a nightmare!

And just to top it off, I am off to see Katy Perry tomorrow with one of my best friends. Whatever happens, it will probably end badly. I will either get my voice back to sing along and lose it all over again because I am singing so loud or I will not get it back and not be able to sing along at all. Well I can but I will just be miming the whole thing!

Will the voice be back tomorrow? We shall see...

"I'm not seeing you tonight am I?"

This was my boyfriends attempt at an April Fool's joke today. Unfortunately it didn't really have the same effect that he hoped it would which resulted in him having to explain to me it was an April Fool and in return I told him it was epic fail.

Saying this, I can only remember one April Fool that has actually worked. It was when I was still in school and we were gathered in the entrance waiting to go into the main hall. All of a sudden, one of the Drama teachers started raising his voice at my Maths teacher. This snowballed into a shouting match between the two in full view of all the students. After a while we started to click as to what was happening but for those first few minutes we were convinced two of the teachers hated each other and wanted everyone to know about it! It was so unexpected which is why it worked so well.

Other than that, the 1st April usually seems to just pass me by. This has urged me to want to perform an April Fool on someone today but I am completely stuck for ideas. I'm not great at practical jokes and thinking of legit fibs is not one of my fortes.

So basically, I'm screwed. Not only because I can't think of any to do on other people but also because I am quite the gullible person. You could tell me you are engaged to Brad Pitt and I'd probably believe it!

So have you had any jokes played on you today or managed to pull one off on someone else?

"He's at the hospital"

These are four words that no one really wants to hear because they tend to carry bad assumptions with them. But when I got in from work today, these were the exact words my Mum said to me.

Tonight my Grandad was admitted to hospital because he hasn't been very well over the past few days. My Dad went with him while he had a few tests done to see what was wrong. It all just made me think how thoughts can spiral out of control sometimes without meaning to. The hospital are there to help people and yet all my mind can do is assume the worst. I should be thinking that he is at the best place possible but I just worry about why he is there in the first place.

It happened to me earlier too. I was driving to Uni when I got a phone call. Now for my phone to ring in the daytime, something must have happened. I couldn't pick up as I was behind the wheel but my brain fired off like dominos thinking what's happened, who is hurt?? It turned out it was just some bloke who had the wrong number.

So I am trying to keep a little more positive. He will be fine and life will be restored to its usual state. I hope.

"O-M-G I am loving this sunny weather... in such a good mood!!"

This quote is a typical Facebook status that seems to be occurring at the moment. You would think that people in my friend list had never seen sunshine before! I find it amazing how a bit of nice weather can completely change your mood.

Now our country is not the luckiest when it comes to warm weather. It is now March, and we are only just being able to witness that our planet does actually have a sun somewhere out there. I do have to admit, it is lovely to be able to not wear a jumper or have the heating constantly on in the house. I even put the washing out on the line today! For some reason that bright beam of heat can give us so much more motivation. I mean, I cleaned the house today and I can only conclude that it is down to the sunshine.

I just hope it lasts to be honest and that I haven't jinxed this lovely bit of weather by talking about it on my blog!

"It's either a BMW or an Audi"

My Dad has a company car and can renew it every three years. The third year with his Ford Mondeo is nearly over so he is looking at getting a new one. Now he has always highly rated Fords as they have proved to be quite the reliable little vehicles in the past. However now he has chosen to step up in the world of motors and opt for either a BMW or an Audi.

It just made me wonder why he had chosen to go for either one of these. Audis and BMWs carry a sense of status with them which Dad has never been interested in before but it seems he has now hit a place in life where this seems more important to him.

This interested me as to why now he decided to put his preconceptions of these kinds of cars, especially BMWs, behind him and choose to drive one himself. Which then made me think about how a car can represent a person. I have a small car which might be because I am a small person (although the real reason I have it is because it was £100). My mum has a convertible. Does that mean she is a diverse person, like the roof on her car?

You can judge a person on the type of car they drive. Whether these are the right judgments or not is rarely considered.

Saying that, I don't mind my Dad getting a BMW as work insurance means I get to drive it! Bring on the Beamer :)

"How many stories are we having?"

Once a week I babysit for a three year old girl whilst her Dad goes to Tae Kwon Do and her Mum is at University. She is full of character and a real bossy boots! So this week, she is the inspiration for this post.

It amazes me how clever young children can be. They might not be able to do calculus or read Shakespeare but they sure know how to get around you! The child in question had just got out the bath but wanted to play for a bit before having a bedtime story so we decided to compromise; play for 5 minutes then have a story. This is where it started. "Can we just have one more game?" was the first bid to extend the amount of time that it would take before bedtime. If you have ever looked after a child, you'll probably be able to hear the appropriate tone of voice as you imagine that kind of situation!

After 5 minutes of playing, it was story time. The fact that her Dad had already said that she was only to have story didn't stop her enquiring, "how many stories are we having?" Now to be honest, I can't blame her for trying to get another few minutes out of me by having another story but unfortunately for her, it didn't happen.

One reading of Mr Impossible then bedtime. Mr Impossible can do the most impossible things you know!

"Help me get this bird poo of my car?"

Don't you just love those lovely creatures that fly around in the sky looking for the parked car that they are least impressed with and strategically position themselves so that their excretion (seems like the most appropriate term) lands directly on that particular vehicle? Well I can tell you it's not fun when that car is your own.

A few days ago I noticed some bird poop on the passenger side door to my little Polo. Now I have to be honest, I am not the greatest fan of birdie number twos after one decided to let go onto my nice pink jacket at school, but I won't go into that now. So, I decided to leave it, thinking that with a bit of rain, it would nicely disappear and I wouldn't have to deal with it.

Unfortunately not. Today I was going to pick up my friend for lunch and as I got into my car to go and fetch her, I noticed not one, not two but three more splatters of the white and brown goo on the same door. I swear they have it in for me. I refused to let my friend see the state of Polly (the name I give to me little pappap) which forced me to clean it off myself. Not a nice experience.

But the poo story does not end there. As I set off, I then noticed yet another splodge of the stuff on my windscreen. Don't worry, I thought, I will just use the water jets and the window wipers to get rid of this one. Which would of worked fantastically had my water not run out or my wipers not smeared the remaining poop across the glass.

This left me with only one option. To ask my friend to supply the water to help remove the poo so she could get in my car and not have to stare at a bird crap covered screen the whole way to the pub.

Not the best journey I have ever had. What have I ever done to the birds?

"It's been a while"

I think I should probably work on my will power a little. I started this blog with full dedication and four posts in I stop adding to it. So this is me starting again. But it's not only this blog I need will power for because... I have decided to join the gym.

Now I used to be a very active teenager, with dance and tae kwon do lessons coming out of my ears. Unfortunately that all changed when I started University. This wouldn't be an issue if I had one of those, what do you call them, fast metabolisms is it? But I was not blessed with one of these gold dust attributes and the more I eat, the more it shows. One day all these Oreos are going to catch up on me.

So I made a decision. With the support of my boyfriend I will join the gym and get fit again! Let's just see how long it lasts shall we...