"This is taking the 'udder' piss!"

My house in positioned overlooking a country road. On the other side of the road is a lake with swans who have little cute swan babies. This is surrounded by a farm and quite a large amount of fields. Now this all sounds very pleasant doesn't it? Nice and peaceful. You haven't met Daisy.

Who is Daisy I hear you ask. Well Daisy, my friends, is the cow who likes to keep us all awake at night. The cow that thinks it is amusing to start moo-ing at the top of her cow lungs at gone midnight for all those around her to hear.

Tonight was particularly annoying. There I am sitting in my room, minding my own business, just casually surfing the Internet when my Sister bursts in the room. "Please chuck a stone at her!" Now up until now, I hadn't heard Daisy at all. In fact I was completely oblivious to the moo-ing mayhem going on in the adjacent field. Not anymore.

See now I know she's there. Now my ears cannot help but hear the deep, distraught sound of Daisy across the road and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't just pick my house up and move it a few miles down the road. I can't pop over and just politely ask her to keep it down. And my room is at the front of the building, closest to the noise, so not only can I hear the demented sounds of delightful Daisy, it hits my room first, carrying the highest volume of any of the rooms in my house.

So that's it.

My bed times are no longer a time of peacefulness. There will be no sheep jumping over hedges in my dreams. Instead it will be cows. Hundreds of cows just like Daisy moo-ing uncontrollably in my head.

She is taking the 'udder' piss.

Sweet dreams.